A month ago, I dropped our youngest daughter off at college. Just like that, after 28 years and seven months of birthing, raising, and launching five kids, my husband and I became official empty nesters. The house is quieter now, and I find myself reflecting on nearly three decades of parenting. I made plenty of mistakes along the way. Still, looking back, I can confidently say these are a dozen choices I don’t regret.
1. I do not regret having a big family.
In a world that diminishes family, we lived an upsized family life. Having five kids meant fewer resources and bigger requirements, but it also meant more love, laughter, and life. Our kids became a society unto themselves.
Our four girls adored their brother, and he adored them. I’ll never forget the “puppy piles” of sleepovers where all five crammed into one room, hanging out long past bedtime. The chaos was real, but so was the sweetness. Big family equals big sacrifice, yes — but also big dividends. I wouldn’t trade our big family for anything.
2. I do not regret taking pictures.
My kids rolled their eyes every time I pulled out the camera or scheduled another studio session across town, yet those pictures are treasures now.
During one formal family photo, my husband was holding our baby when her diaper exploded and filled his suit coat sleeve. You can’t see the disaster in the picture, but when we look at it, it’s one of our funniest family memories.
All those photos anchor our family story — missing teeth, awkward stages, silly moments, milestones and holidays. I am thankful for every single one.
3. I do not regret the road trips and camping trips.
Every other year we packed up the car for an adventure we called a “big trip.” Flying was never an option with seven of us, but the miles piled in together for road trips were the gift. Then, on the off years, we camped in our little pop-up camper, bursting at the seams.
People in fancy RVs would marvel: “How do you all fit in that thing?” Somehow, we did, and we also fit in a lot of love and laughter. Our trips weren’t glamorous, but they were golden, filled with silly car games, roadside potty stops, meltdowns and flat tires. My husband and I always said it wasn’t less stress to go away as a family, but it was definitely the best stress.
4. I do not regret taking our kids to church.
As PK’s (pastor’s kids), church was part of our family rhythm. However, they didn’t just attend; they were part of church with us. When we served, they served. When we went, they went. Wherever I did something in church, I had at least one kiddo doing it with me, whether that was Sunday School or Vacation Bible Blast.
Through the years, teachers, youth leaders, and church members prayed for them, cheered them on, and celebrated them. Our church wasn’t perfect, but it gave our kids community, accountability, and the example of people who genuinely loved Jesus. I’ll never regret raising my kids in the house of God.
5. I do not regret teaching our kids hard work and life lessons with animals.
When our oldest was seven, we moved to a small farm, and that one decision changed everything. From then on, chores were non-negotiable. Sun or snow, often before school at 7:00 a.m., animals had to be fed, fences checked, and boxes cleaned. There was no “sleeping in” or skipping just because it was inconvenient. Every child carried age-appropriate responsibility, the older ones leading the younger ones.
The animals brought a whole new layer to the life lessons. We started with a Newfy, three kittens, and some chicks, but we eventually got cows. Animals meant chaos, extra expense, and sometimes heartbreak — but they also gave our kids a powerful sense of responsibility and perspective. Keeping something alive was no small thing, and losing them was a hard but lasting teacher. I’ll never forget when our little one, barely talking, announced “Dems dead” when the chicks didn’t make it. Even the night the girls stumbled on a bear reminded us all that life is fragile and respect is necessary.
Looking back, I wouldn’t trade a single chore or animal. Those years shaped our kids’ character in ways that have carried into adulthood. Today, when they tell us their bosses praise their work ethic and open doors of opportunity, my husband and I just grin and say, “You’re welcome.”
6. I do not regret journaling and writing letters to each child.
When I was expecting our first baby, I began writing letters to our children. At first, these were simply love notes from my heart, but over the years they became little records of what each child did, accomplished, or experienced. Writing to five kids was hard to keep up with, but still I wrote a stack of letters for each child.
I’m glad for every effort I made to write things down. Journaling and letter-writing gave me a way to capture moments that would have otherwise slipped away. These remind me of the truth of who I was as a mom, how deeply I loved each child, and how God’s hand was at work in our family story. Now, when memories blur and years fly by, these words stand as proof — not only of the life we lived, but of the love that carried us through it.
7. I do not regret saying, “I’m sorry.”
During my almost thirty years of child-rearing, I raised my voice, lost my patience, and definitely had some “bad mommy” moments. I got irritated over trivial matters and even broke a few things in anger (my son still reminds me). I quickly learned I wasn’t perfect, but I also learned to apologize.
I confessed my mistakes, asked forgiveness, and admitted when I was wrong. Humility does what perfection never can: it builds bridges. My kids saw how to make things right. I do regret my mistakes, but I do not regret a single apology.
8. I do not regret requiring the truth.
With five kids, family mysteries abounded, along with a strange phenomenon we called the “whodunnit.” I’ll never forget the time someone took one bite out of an apple and left the rest on the counter. Everyone denied it, so my husband had each child bite the apple until the teeth marks matched. That kiddo finished their apple that day!
Such might sound extreme, but truth mattered in our home. Lies and half-truths might be acceptable in the world, but in our family, honesty was the standard. I don’t regret holding that line.
9. I do not regret teaching purity.
Culture mocks purity, but in our home, purity was honored — and not just just sexual purity, but purity of motives, integrity, and heart.
It wasn’t easy to raise kids against the tide, especially as “purity culture” has become a pejorative. However, I don’t regret holding them to a higher standard. Purity matters to God, and I’m glad we taught our children that it matters to us, even in a world that still tells them otherwise.
10. I do not regret discipling our children along life’s way.
The day our second born asked me to help her read the Bible began multiple years of Bible reading snuggled in my bed every Sunday morning. By the time our youngest started school and I was driving to three different campuses every day, I realized carpool was even more prime time for discipleship conversations. I used those drives to pour God’s truth into our kids. We memorized Scripture, prayed, and talked about the Bible. Since they were PK’s, I always tried not to overdo it. However, looking back, I wish I had taught them even more. I do not regret teaching my children God’s Word. In fact, all those conversations planted the seeds that eventually grew into Family Disciple Me—the ministry that continues to flow out of my heart to this day.
11. I do not regret the sacrifices we made for our children.
Parenting is a labor of love. From the moment I knew I was expecting, I gave myself to my kids. For me, that meant natural childbirth, stretching tight budgets, and their needs before mine. The sacrifices came in all sizes. Some were obvious — like providing for braces and dance lessons. Others were hidden, like prayers whispered late at night and always carrying five lives in my heart.
I have a master’s degree, but my résumé doesn’t sparkle with titles. What it does show is decades of being “Momma” – the title I’m proudest of. Of course, not every sacrifice turned out the way I hoped. However, if I could turn back the clock, I’d do it all again and probably give even more. Because turns out, life is short, but every sacrifice in Jesus’ Name matters for eternity.
12. I do not regret making our marriage a priority.
With five kids, finances were tight and time was limited, but dating was always important for my husband and I. One way or another, we carved out time together, even with a house full of kids. Dates didn’t have to be expensive or long to be meaningful—though we always tried to get away for our anniversary. Now that the kids are grown and the nest is empty, my husband is still my best friend. I don’t regret the investment we made in each other along the way because now, even though we have an empty nest, we also still have each other.
Nope, no regrets on these!
Parenting isn’t perfect. It’s messy and exhausting, full of highs and lows. However, as I look back from the empty nest, these are a dozen things that I absolutely do not regret. Some choices are worth every ounce of effort, tear, late night, and sacrifice.
These are my “no regrets,” and I’m glad I chose every single one – – – and I hope that you will, too!
Be encouraged! ❤️
Tosha
